Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
