Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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