what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
