if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
