Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize