A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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