i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Randomize
