I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
