You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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