"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
