the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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