tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
time to smoke my breakfast
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
