People in love make me want to vomit
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
