Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
God gave him joint rollers for hands
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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