This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
