If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
