Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
