I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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