OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
