john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
