My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
