When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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