I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Let's get the cat blown out
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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