What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
