I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
