I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
