someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
