the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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