I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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