At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
