i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
