i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize