I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
