i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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