I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
