i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
