What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
