I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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