I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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