Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
