after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
