cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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