Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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