didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
