dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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