I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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