Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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