do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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