i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
