areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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