Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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