I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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