He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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