dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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