Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Enjoy the penises
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
