oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
