that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
