I'm going to jail i love you
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
