I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
