Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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