absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
