I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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