Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
