Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
