Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
