thus making me awesome and them whores
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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