His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize