Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
